Schrodinger’s Cat

Thursday I found out J, a really close friend, told her on/off boyfriend (when they were off!!!) that i have a crush on B. He told a friend who told a friend who told a friend, meaning B can find out at any moment. So I believe it’s time to explain to you guys the Schrodinger’s Cat paradox and how I’m about to find out if the cat is alive or not.

If you’ve read the John Green’s book “Will and Will” you probably already know what the Schrodinger’s Cat paradox is. If you haven’t, here we go:

A cat is in a sealed box with a flask of poison and a radioactive source. If an atom of the radioactive substance is detected by a monitor, the poison flask will be shattered and the cat will die. The monitor may not detect the radioactive substante and the cat may live. By the fact that we don’t know what happened the cat is at the same time alive and dead as long as we don’t open the box.

That can be used as a metaphor to pretty much everything in ur life. I particularly use it in boys matter. When you like a boy and you talk with him and you’re close to him, u don’t know if he also likes you, unless you ‘open the box’ aka ask him/show him your intressed. The only problem is when you open the box, the cat has as many chances of beeing alive as he has to be dead meaning you may find a hot new bae as you may find a new heartbreak, which is why I hate opening the box.

If a lot of people from my school knows about my crush, soon enough B. will find out too and the box will be openned against my will, and I truly believe the cat is long dead. I really wish J would’ve kept her mouth shut so I could keep my box shut too.

Let’s hope that if when the box is opened, if the cat is not healthy, it is at least still breathing.

xoxo

-MP

I think I lost my best friend

For what I think is about two weeks now, me and R., my best best friend in d world and I have barely spoke to each other. It’s not like we gotten into a fight or somethin, nothing specific happened, she just became closer and closer to this other girl in our class and bum, we don’t talk anymore. We’re like hi’s and bye’s and that’s it.

I don’t have a brand new best friend like she seems to have. Instead, I’ve been hanging out with the boys a lot. They’re so much easier to talk to, they don’t have all the drama. Upside to that, I get to get closer to my crush, B., who’s really awesome to talk to. I also been talking to other people in my class. I’ve made some new friends and got closer to some people I new. I was really wrapped up in this R universe where I had no other friends, it used to be me and her against the world, and now, it’s me dealing with it all.

I’ve been studing so much, I don’t have that much time to think about it. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes I’m fine with it, I believe I just have to adapt cause I don’t see us getting our old friendship back.

xoxo

-MP

I’m in love

And it sucks. U know why? because I can’t focus on anything else, all I think about is B. Not even studying is helping me anymore. I cant focus on that either.

I have this thing where I imagine a whole scene or story that would happen, something that I reeeeally would like for it happen, all sorts of thing, but usually related to boys. I normally have crushes in people I have no chance with, so making those stories help. Everything I wish it would happen, happens in my mind. Now guess how many stories I have made with B.? So many I have lost count.

In my mind, he is this pretty perfect boy and in reality he doesn’t do much to counter that.

I really wish we would have something, but I doubt we will..

xoxo

-MP

Messed Up Mind

Sooo, I haven’t had much time to write in here these past few days. Not in a ‘I have so many friends and parties and i’m so busy’ way but in a ‘I’m studying my ass off’ kind of way. I get home from school and do my homework, school projects (there are so many) study for tests, and study for ‘not school related’ tests. In less words all I do is study.

The upside of it is that I also don’t have time to think about my feelings, which btw are a mess.

1 – I’m still into B. We see each other every day in school, sometimes we have lunch together, sometimes we talk outside school, but never alone. I don’t know if I would be able to keep a conversation with him if we were alone. What kills me everyday is seen him with his girl friends. THey laugh and seem to be talking about relationships, making me realise I don’t actually know what’s going on in his life rn: Idk if he is making out with hundreds of girls, if he’s still totally into I.S. or if he sees me as a potential option.

2 – Me and R. (my best friend) are so distant. We used to be like paenut butter and jam, but now we’re more like ice cream and french fries, we’re really good together, but we don’t need each other, not as we needed before. She doesn’t take school as serious as I do and with diferent priorities we are following diferent paths. Is not that big of a deal, we’re still pretty close, we’re still each others first choice (at least I think so) and we’re still each others best friend, but it’s not the same.

3 – i’m still in (I think you can call it like that) a existencial crises, in which I don’t know where I belong, I don’t feel confortable anywhere or doing anything, there’s always this feeling in the back of my mind that I have no ideia what it means. A feeling that confuses all of my feelings and I have no ideia what I’m actually feeling. I feel strange, unconfortable, lost, alone, empty, I feel nothing, and all that at once.

Good thing is, studying as hard as I am, I don’t have any time to think about any of that during my day. At night I’m to tired and I sleep really fast, so the only moments I actually think about this shit is moments like this – a Sunday night I have nothing especific to do.

xoxo

-MP