Today was actually a little bit easier.
I do not feel normal just yet, but it was easier to talk to people, to look at people. Yesterday, when I was doing something it felt like I was asleep, and everything was this kind of dream, so far away; when I looked at people it was like I or them weren’t there, like I could not really reach them or see them.
I think one of the reasons for this ‘out of nowhere’ sensations comes from me feeling kind of lonely, like I don’t have anyone to truly talk to. Once I said here I could totaly be myself with my best friend, and that is true, I’m not afraid of talking to her, of her judging me or whatever, but recently I also feel like she doesn’t really care about what i have to say. At the moment, I don’t want to talk about hair or clothes, I want to talk about deep feelings and thoughts and dreams, just something not so shallow. I want to be a real person.
Everytime I’m around people I feel like I’m not this thinking human being, I’m something not so deep as I am when I’m with my notebook writting my thoughts down. The division of character is probably what is making me feel like I don’t actually belong in the real world, cuz really, who am I? I feel so comfortable typing right here and now, so calm, so real, and tomorrow when I wake up I know I’m going to have to face people I dont want to and be someone I’m not really sure who it is. How can that be even possible??? I don’t even make sense.
xoxo
-MP
mysteriousprincess8 